Προγράμματα · Fear of abandonment · Anchored
Anchored
Calming fear of abandonment and relationship storms with DBT
A slow reply. A cancelled plan. A raised voice. For some people a cue like that doesn't just register — it detonates, straight to crisis pitch, in under a second. What follows is message after message until someone answers, or leaving first so it's never done to you. This program doesn't try to argue that alarm down; it was built from real history, and six weeks won't unbuild it. It aims DBT's crisis skills at one narrow target instead: the gap between the spike and whatever you do next.
The alarm has a shape, too
- A cue lands and you're at crisis pitch in under a second.
- Message after message until somebody answers.
- Leaving first, so it's never done to you.
- Testing someone to find out whether they'll stay.
- Afterwards, wondering who that was.
Every spike becomes evidence
Not a course you watch — a record you build. Anchored logs what triggered the spike, how hard it ran, the urge it brought, and whether a skill got there before you acted.
Measure
Sixty seconds once a spike has passed — never mid-spike, that's what the skills are for. The trigger, the intensity, the urge, whether a skill entered before you acted, and what actually happened.
after the spike · 60 secLearn
Short sessions with Ruth teach the method — STOP and TIPP aimed at the spike, urge surfing, checking the cue, and opposite action in both directions.
10–15 min · most daysRead
The weekly review reads your rate back to you and nothing else. No rung to clear, no target set for you, no verdict on the week.
weekly review↻ the loop runs weekly — six times
One number, watched rather than prescribed. It's the share of logged spikes where a skill got in before the action — and it's deliberately the only headline, because fear intensity itself often moves less over six weeks than people expect. This program says that plainly rather than treating it as a shortfall. What tends to move is this rate, and how long a spike takes to resolve.
Six weeks, one target
Fifteen sessions and five weekly reviews. The first week is free — including your baseline fear log reading.
Week 1The AlarmDecoded, and named in both directions3 συνεδρίες
Week 2The Crisis Skills, Aimed HereSTOP, TIPP, and the urge on a clock4 συνεδρίες
Week 3Check the Facts, Here TooThe cue, the fear validated, the ledger4 συνεδρίες
Week 4Opposite Action, Here TooThe qualifier first, then both directions4 συνεδρίες
Week 5Building Steadier GroundKnown storms, other pillars, and the honest session4 συνεδρίες
Week 6AnchoredYour data, and where next1 συνεδρίες
Ruth
DBT: high-caution clinical care · καθοδηγεί 4 προγράμματα
The senior clinician for DBT's heaviest material — unhurried, deeply serious about safety, and honest about when self-help needs a referral alongside it. Ruth is Grace's DBT counterpart.
“Hi, I'm Ruth. Over the next six weeks I'm not going to tell you the alarm is wrong — it learned what it learned honestly. We're going to work on the gap between it going off and what you do next.”
Crisis skills, pointed at one gap
Anchored aims DBT's crisis-survival and emotion-regulation skills — STOP, TIPP, urge surfing, check the facts, self-validation, opposite action and cope ahead — at the amplified attachment alarm specifically, with behavioral self-monitoring of the gap between a fear spike and the contact or exit urge it produces.
- STOP and TIPP for the spikeLinehan crisis survival
- Urge surfing, and the urge on a clock
- Opposite action in both directionspursuit and pre-emptive leaving
- Behavioral self-monitoring of the gap
The strongest screen in the suite, and an honest place in your care
This is skills support alongside professional care, not a replacement for it — and the program says so repeatedly rather than once. For a fear running at this intensity, full DBT with a clinician (individual therapy, a skills group, phone coaching) is the evidence-based standard, and nothing here pretends to stand in for it.
Crisis resources are pinned one tap away for everyone from onboarding, not only when a screen flags something. If abandonment fear is currently bringing urges to hurt yourself, the screen routes you to referral first — framed as care, because that is what it is. Later in the program, a domestic-violence resources card pins for every user, because the session that teaches the difference between a fear that's amplified and a relationship that's genuinely unsafe is taught to everyone.
Where the fear has been coming out as checking, monitoring or controlling a partner, that gets named and gets a standing referral card — it does not change your program, and it is never treated as the same thing as risk to yourself. This is not medical advice.
Ξεκινήστε δωρεάν. Συνεχίστε αν λειτουργεί.
Πρώτη εβδομάδα
- Onboarding + two full sessions
- Fear log
- Your baseline fear log reading
Πλήρες πρόγραμμα
- All six weeks of Anchored, yours to keep
- Every session, review, and exercise
- Web + Untangle app access
Ασχολείστε με περισσότερα από ένα θέματα; Τα σχετικά προγράμματα συνδυάζονται μαζί — δύο ή τρία με έκπτωση. Τα πακέτα ανακοινώνονται στο λανσάρισμα.
Πριν ξεκινήσετε
Will this make the fear go away?
No, and the program says so in week one rather than at the end. The alarm was built from real history and six weeks won't unbuild it. What the six weeks work on is the gap between the spike and the action — which is the part a skill can actually reach.
Do I log during a spike?
Never. Sixty seconds after it's passed, honestly, even hours late. Mid-spike is what the skills are for. The only real miss is a spike that never gets logged at all.
Does it score my relationships or tell me what to do about them?
No. The ledger has no verdict column and no score, and the weekly review reads your rate back to you without setting a target. It shows you the pattern — usually for the first time as a pattern rather than a series of unconnected crises — and what you do with that is yours.
Is this a substitute for therapy?
No, and it's built to say that more than once. For a fear at this intensity, full DBT with a clinician is the standard of care. This runs alongside it, and if you're not currently in care the program encourages it rather than filling the gap quietly.
Be first to close the gap
Anchored is launching soon on the web and in the Untangle app. Join the early-access list and we'll let you know the moment it opens.
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