Programs · Assertiveness & boundaries · Speak Up
Speak Up
Building assertiveness with CBT
Assertiveness isn't becoming louder or harder — it's the radical idea that your needs get a seat at the table you're already sitting at. This program builds the sentence, then the nerve, then the habit: the four-part formula, a no that stands on its own, your predictions of rupture put on trial against what actually happens, and a graded ladder back into every room you've been swallowing in.
With coach SofiaProgram at a glance
- Who it's for
- For anyone who replays the sentence they didn't say, ends up everyone's default yes, carries quiet resentment about needs never voiced, and calls it 'keeping the peace' while the tab quietly runs.
- What it is
- A structured 6-week CBT program for assertiveness & boundaries, built from the protocol clinicians use.
- Format
- 10–15 min/day — coach videos, an assertion log, and a weekly review that adapts your plan.
- Price
- First week free — including your baseline speak-up report. Then $99, one-time — not a subscription.
The swallow has a shape, too
- The sentence you didn't say, replayed on a loop afterward.
- Being everyone's default yes, even when you meant no.
- Quiet resentment about needs that never get voiced — and calling it 'keeping the peace.'
- A tab that keeps running on favors nobody asked you to pay.
- Dread that outruns what actually happens when you speak up.
Your assertion log drives the program
Not a course you watch — a loop you run. Speak Up reads your predicted reactions against what actually happens, and prescribes your next rung, the same way assertiveness training works in a therapist's office.
Measure
A twenty-second evening check-in — did you swallow anything today — plus a forty-five-second log whenever an opportunity comes up.
daily + as it happensLearn
Short sessions with Sofia teach the method — the four styles, the bill of rights, the formula, the no.
10–15 min · most daysAdjust
The weekly review reads your prediction gap and guilt level, and prescribes your next rung on the ladder.
weekly review↻ the loop runs weekly — six times
A rung on your assertion ladder clears once your predicted reaction is demonstrated worse than what actually happened, on two separate reps, with guilt rated 4 out of 10 or lower. Endured isn't the bar — evidenced-and-eased is.
Six weeks, one method
Seventeen sessions and six weekly check-ins. The first week is free — including your baseline speak-up report.
Week 1Understand the StylesFour corners, one that keeps both in the room3 sessions
Week 2The FormulaBuild the sentence, then the nerve4 sessions
Week 3The NoA complete sentence, warmly held4 sessions
Week 4The PredictionsYour dread, on the record4 sessions
Week 5The Harder RoomsUpward, family, and the repair4 sessions
Week 6Keep the SeatYour story, your drill, your plan3 sessions
Sofia
Action & habits · guides 4 programs
The practical change coach — direct, encouraging, allergic to lectures. Sofia works in small experiments and honest reviews of what actually happened.
“Hi, I'm Sofia. Over the next six weeks we're not going to make you louder — we're going to make sure your needs make it into the room, in your own voice.”
Assertiveness training, faithfully built
Speak Up implements the classic CBT assertiveness-training protocol — the four communication styles, the assertive bill of rights, the situation-feeling-need-request formula, saying no as a complete skill with the guilt-decay curve and broken-record technique, and a graded assertion hierarchy tested with prediction-versus-outcome behavioral experiments.
- Assertiveness trainingSmith; Alberti & Emmons
- Situation-feeling-need-request formula
- Graded assertion hierarchy
- Prediction-versus-outcome behavioral experiments
One serious carve-out
Speak Up screens at onboarding for relationships where speaking up has been met with violence, threats, or escalating control. Where that's true, assertiveness training isn't the right tool — and using it can raise risk rather than lower it — so that track pauses and routes to a specialist domestic-abuse or safety-planning service instead. That's a limit on the method, never a judgment on you.
A cultural-calibration note runs throughout: the situation-feeling-need-request formula is the constant; how directly you turn it up — how loud, how formal, how softened — is entirely your own call, not a single prescribed bluntness.
Start free. Continue if it's working.
First week
- Onboarding + two full sessions
- Daily check-in + assertion log
- Your baseline speak-up report
Full program
- All six weeks of Speak Up, yours to keep
- Every session, review, and exercise
- Web + Untangle app access
Working on more than one thing? Related programs bundle together — two or three at a discount. Bundle pricing is coming.
Go deeper before you start Speak Up
- Assertiveness Training: A CBT Approach to Speaking UpAssertiveness is a learnable CBT skill, not a personality trait. Here's a step-by-step framework for saying what you need clearly and calmly.8 min read min read
- DEAR MAN: DBT Scripts for Hard ConversationsDEAR MAN is a DBT framework for asking for what you need or saying no clearly, with real scripts for common, hard conversations.8 min read min read
Before you start
Will this make me blunt or aggressive?
No — the opposite. Speak Up teaches the formula, not a bluntness level; how directly you turn it up is entirely your call. The skill is getting your needs into the room, in whatever voice fits it.
What if speaking up isn't safe in my relationship?
The onboarding screen checks for that directly. Where speaking up has been met with violence, threats, or escalating control, the program pauses that track and points you to specialist safety-planning services instead — that's a limit on the method, not on you.
Isn't this just about saying no more?
Saying no is one piece, not the whole thing. The program also builds the sentence for asking, delivers it, and tests your predicted reactions against what actually happens — the full range of getting a need heard, not just refusing one.
How much time does it take?
A twenty-second check-in each evening, and a forty-five-second log whenever a real opportunity comes up, plus ten to fifteen minutes most days for the session. The real work happens in the room, not the app.
How much does it cost, and is it a subscription?
The first week is free, with no card required. The full program is $99, paid once — there is no subscription and nothing to cancel. When you finish it, it stays yours.
How do I know if it's working?
You take a validated questionnaire at the start, then again at each weekly review, so progress is a number you can watch rather than a streak. Across 6 weekly reviews the program adapts your plan from your own data — and if the number is not moving, you will see that too.
Speak up
Start the first week of Speak Up free — onboarding, two full sessions, your daily log, and your baseline report. Continue only if it's working.
Runs on the web, not in DBT Coach
No card for the first week. The full program is $99, one-time — not a subscription.
Runs on the web, not in DBT Coach